Romance novels, movies, and TV make it easy to believe in that perfect partner - your soulmate. The problem is life and people aren’t perfect. In a 2017 Monmouth University poll, nearly two-thirds of people said they believe in soulmates. Psychology professor Garry Lewandowski, Jr says that’s dangerous and sets you up to fail. Instead of working on a relationship, you would be more likely to walk away.
Psychologist Ramani Durvasula agrees and gives us a solution. Instead of looking for someone to complete you, make them a life enhancement. If you truly want a relationship, there’s a healthier and more honest way to do it according to Durvasula.
- Make a list. Write down the qualities you are looking for in a mate.
- Then, step back and make sure it’s realistic and falls in step with who you are.
- Keep the list as you meet someone and progress the relationship.
- Observe relationships around you and note the good and the bad parts.
- More than anything, prioritize yourself. If you’re filling a void, do it with an interest and not a person. Make yourself content and the rest will fall into place.